Archive for January, 2011

Second date

January 19, 2011

Second Date

I went out with NE (Nudist Engineer) on Sunday night to one of my favorite live music venues: The Rhythm Room. There was a marquee of performers since it was a benefit for a Mesa food bank.

The music was good. We both drank only two beers during the evening. NE is not concerned with how others view him. I write this because he suggested we dance before I asked and was willing to dance when there was no one else on the dance floor. Most men I know have to drink a couple of beers before they hit the dance floor. I don’t know one who would dare to be the only couple dancing. We felt the time to leave at the same moment, so I didn’t have to stay and yawn.

I do have to be careful in what I write because I gave him my business card. He found my website and this blog and read the entries! This does indicate interest and curiosity.

 

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First Dates

January 15, 2011

First Dates

I plunged into dating this week. I had one date on Tuesday and one with a different fellow on Friday.

First dates are a category unto themselves. Generally men can’t stop talking on the first and second dates. I let them ramble on because I get more information about them than in the next six months. I’ve stopped looking for the “initial attraction,” or chemistry. That just means it might be a torrid but short affair.

My date on Tuesday was a guy who claimed to be five feet nine inches. I find a lot of guys lie about their height. I met him in a bar/restaurant at Desert Ridge. I saw immediately that he was truthful about his height, a good start. He was clean shaven and dressed nicely in a shirt. He looked very fit which matched his statements to me about going to the gym most days and taking spinning classes twice a week.

I ordered a Michelob Ultra and he seconded it. Good, not a heavy drinker. As I expected, he did most of the talking. He expounded on his careers, (he was a Hershey’s salesman!) places he’d lived, his new house, his children, and the ex-wife. He also told jokes and I laughed a lot. That’s a good thing. Anyone who can get me giggling gets points.

When it came time to reorder drinks, I asked for a diet Coke. He dittoed that. Another good sign. We ate off the half price appetizer menu. Good food and plenty of it. We talked for about two and a half hours and he paid the tab. In former dating forays, I have split the bills, but I’m on a very tight budget these days and let chivalry do its thing. We both voiced that we’d sign on for another date. No specific plans were made.

I got an email from him with a funny joke the next day. I emailed back. Haven’t heard from him since. Guess he’s met someone who piqued his interest more.

My date last night was at Starbuck’s with a software engineer. He got there first and made no effort to get my drink so I ordered and paid for my own iced tea.

He told me all about his career and his Gestalt work. So he’s a logical guy who’s in touch with his feelings, that’s good. He told me I looked better than my pictures on the website. Flattery helps! On his profile he listed himself as “separated” but he didn’t address it. So, of course, I asked. He’s been separated for three years and the ex lives in the state of Washington. Okay with me.

When he asked about adventures I’d had, I told him about teaching in China for ten weeks. He told me that he’d spent a week at a nudist resort in Florida. In fact, he had a voucher for a week at a luxury nudist resort in Florida and was looking for someone to take. OMG! That would be my worst nightmare! I remember when a friend was turning thirty the surprise party for her was supposed to include a hot tub of pasta in which we would all hang out. I worried about that for weeks because I knew her crowd did hot tubs in the nude. Luckily, the hot tub was broken and the party was more conventional. I gently told him that I didn’t have a good enough body image to participate in nudist activities. He accepted that. Hmmm.

He asked if I would go out with him again. I said yes. When he asked what kind of date, I immediately said my favorite, listening to live music. He had been to the Rhythm Room! He said he had made a date for Saturday night but he was willing to cancel it. This bothered me. I was not going to be the cause of a cancelled date. So we’re set up to go dancing on Sunday night. Me and the Nudist. We’ll see how this goes.

 

Tiptoeing Back into Dating

January 10, 2011

Tiptoeing Back into Dating

I’m excited. I have a date tomorrow, with someone I met through match.com. I used to communicate via email with prospective dates but I keep that to a minimum now. First of all, even though I’m a writer, I’m not great at email. I revise and revise until the message doesn’t even sound like me. Secondly, lots of emails give men space to lie about themselves and worry about it later. And finally, I find that some guys think that email is foreplay and are into racy messages. I prefer that kind of talk with someone with whom I’ve met and I have chemistry.

I’m honest on my profile and post recent photos. I guess a lot of people don’t. Guys ask me how they’ll recognize me at the appointed meeting place. I just say, “I look just like my photos.” That seems to shock them.

What am I looking for? I want a man who can laugh, love, and likes going out. I’m not looking for financial balance sheets or a certain type of looks.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to trust worthy men. I’m not a man hater. I know a lot of great guys. They are married to my friends. I’m looking for someone like them. So I have an amorphous standard, not a check list. I do need to find someone who won’t lean on me financially. I won’t be leaning on them that way either. I want an optimist. I also want someone who isn’t overly concerned about appearances. Almost all men on match.com say they aren’t but then they list physical characteristics as very important for dates. Don’t they know that at our age this is the best it’s going to be? The physical isn’t going to last unless you’re into major surgery.

The last few guys I’ve been out with told me I was too nice. I’m not sure what that means. I know I’m a low maintenance woman. I’m willing to drive myself somewhere. I am easy-going. Not too much fazes me. I tell myself not to be too accommodating, not to send cards or mementos, make dinner or bake.

Now if I could only decide what to wear. . .