Living Alone and Loving It


Living Alone and Loving It

Writing on my front porch in Munds Park


           All winter I lived in my condo in Scottsdale. My youngest son, who’s twenty-two, lived with me. I gained twenty pounds, had recurrent back problems despite monthly massages, and was stressed to the max. My son wasn’t hard to live with, it’s just that I’ve lived alone for four years and had a hard time adjusting to living with someone else. I became a helicopter parent, scrutinizing, monitoring, and nagging. This is not my usual personality. Yes, the financial burden took its toll, but I don’t think that was the key to the problem.

When I moved up to my cabin in Munds Park for the summer last week, the tension subsided. The first day I just goofed off, reading books, waiting for the cable guy, playing computer Scrabble, and taking Sparky for long walks. I can wear my pajamas until eleven in the morning, when it warmed up enough for me to take a shower. (I confess I put my sweats over my pajamas when I walk my dog at 7 a.m. but I’m quite bundled up in my scarf, jacket, and mittens.) I’ve already lost weight and can get into jeans that I couldn’t button and zip in Scottsdale.

The first few days I spoke to my son daily to check up on him. Then I was able to let go. He buzzed me today since I hadn’t phoned him for a few days. I began my interrogation and he called me on it. We started the conversation again and talked like regular people. I was able to relate to him and not try to control him.

Insight of the month:  Even though I’d like to meet a fellow with whom to share my life, I now know I could never live with him. When I live with someone else, I become another person, controlling and naggy. My usual personality is free and easy. I’ve been able to go on two week vacations with friends with no change in my personality, although one friend does have to remind me that I don’t have to check on her.

I’m hoping that my son will be in a position to move out by the time I get back to the valley in late October. The problem is he’ll have a hard time finding a roommate as all of his friends live with their parents!

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