Archive for July, 2011

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

July 27, 2011

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

 Breaking up is hard to do politely. I recently went out with a man for three weeks. This doesn’t sound like a long time, but I could tell he was smitten with me. I didn’t want to tell him by text, phone or email that the relationship was not going to blossom into a romance. I needed to tell him as soon as I figured it out. He was a handsome guy, happy with himself. I just didn’t feel an emotional connection. Rejection isn’t fun even if you’ve been together for only three weeks. It was the first time in a long time that I was the “breaker,” the one initiating the end of the relationship. Certainly I’d told fellows I’d met that there wouldn’t be a second date, but this was different. We’d shared life stories.

I asked him to meet me for coffee. He chose a place where I could have tea and he could have a glass of wine. I don’t think he had any idea. I think he was hoping he’d get lucky. We talked for about half an hour before I brought up my reason for meeting.

I decided to make it a clean break. He suggested “friends with benefits” but I said no. I was flattered that he thought I was desirable, but right now I’m looking for a meaningful relationship.

It took courage, but I told him honestly that he was a good guy, handsome and interesting. I just didn’t feel the emotional connection. He stumped me by asking me what I was looking for. When I said I wasn’t sure, he said that was a common response.  He asked if it had to do with his lack of money. Since I had originally been looking for a summer romance, I honestly told him that was not the case.

He finished his wine and I finished my tea. He walked me back to my car and told me it was the nicest breakup he’s ever experienced. That made me feel better and confirmed my methodology.

I have found someone else that I’m dating but that was not revealed to him. I think it was unnecessary information.

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Sick and Vulnerable

July 22, 2011

Sick and Vulnerable

My friend Donna, who lives across the way from me in Scottsdale, is a single senior, too. She recently broke up a three year relationship. She was feeling strong and in control of her life.

She had foot surgery last week and asked me to drive her to the outpatient facility and her son would pick her up. She had never had any major surgery and stayed up the night before and cleaned to keep her mind off it.

At 5:30 a.m. I drove her and waited until they called her back. I went back home and worried while doing errands. I finally saw her son’s car about 2 p.m. Donna was out of it. The doctor had planned on a local anesthetic but she was moving too much so Donna got a general.  Had I known that and its consequences, I would have planned to sleep over at her house. As it was I stayed the rest of the day but slept at my house with strict instructions for her to call me for anything. She was too nice to do that.

The next day she did not feel better. She had had a bad night and couldn’t get to the pain pills. It was impossible for her to walk her dog but I was glad to oblige. I hung out with Donna most of that day, too. I arranged for a neighbor’s child to walk the dog for the next week.

I had to call the medical supply company and get the compression/icing machine replaced twice in the next two days. I stayed with Donna as much as I could. Her sister and her children came to visit, but no one was taking primary responsibility.

That night she tried to get up in the middle of the night and fell. It took her quite a while and a lot of pain to get back up. I left to go back to Munds Park the next morning, feeling uneasy and guilty that I wasn’t going to be there to care for Donna.

When I talked to her later that day, she told me that she was in more pain and her air conditioning went out but she had gotten someone out right away to fix it.

She’s reconsidering the single life. She felt very vulnerable and a “burden” to others when she was incapacitated. She didn’t want to call people to help her, people who owed her plenty of favors for taking care of them. I think when she recovers, she’ll start dating to find someone she can trust and marry.

This has not made me reconsider my single status. When I was married, my friends had to take me to surgeries because both of my husbands had more important things to do. I vow next time someone asks me to take them to surgery to see the whole thing through and sleep over with them until they can fend for themselves.

 

 

Fourth of July Weekend of Fun

July 3, 2011

Fourth of July Weekend of Fun

I joined a new and free dating website, plenty of fish.com. I’ve had more responses in the last week from it than any of the other sites I’ve tried. And I’ve had a spate of dates, All LIBERALS! No conservatives!

My summer romance from 2009, Mr. Spiritual Journey, found me and we made a date to see an independent film in Sedona, where he lives. I think this will be the rekindling of a friendship, not a romance.

My first date with the Perpetual Student was at a wine bar in downtown Flagstaff. He looks like he stepped off the cover of GQ except for the silver earring. He’s 62, finishing his BA in the fall and intends to go for a master’s degree. We talked for a few hours and then walked around downtown. He is an empathetic person with a good heart. I have to remember to leave my judgmental self at home. He is not the least bit ambitious but is one of the happiest people I’ve met recently. Our next date was two days later and we went to Snowbowl and sat talking on a log before going back downtown and having lunch. Our third date was at Munds Park, where I treated him to dinner at the Lone Pine and we drank some red wine on my porch and looked at the stars. He used to work at Lowell Observatory and is very knowledgeable. He is affectionate, which I like. I told him I was only after a summer romance.

I had a “pre-date” with the Railroad Man when he was on his way to Prescott. The next day he drove me down Schnebly Hill from Munds Park to Sedona. It’s a rough road and I found out he is a patient and careful person. We stopped at lookout points to get fantastic views of the Red Rocks and see the wagon and cattle trails of yesteryear. I had brought cherries and we ate them by a secret natural pool in Sedona after the sun had set over the Red Rocks. We went back via Cliff Castle Casino and had dinner. He is dedicated to his children and grandchildren, loves to listen to music and dance. I like this guy and will go slow with him.

On Friday night, Donna and I went to the local playhouse to see “Americana.’ It was uneven but made me proudly patriotic. Then we lumbered over to The Lone Pine. It was not crowded at all. Too bad because the band, Blue Tattoo, was great! They must have been our age because their playlist brought back great memories. A handsome stranger asked me to dance. I didn’t catch his name as the band was very loud. When I asked him again later, he said, “Red Skeleton.” So I got to dance to my kind of music played well.

On Saturday Donna and I went to a fabulous feast, a clambake at the Pinewood Country Club. The lobsters were sweet and cooked just right. During dinner we heard the muffled sounds of the band in the showroom. After we had eaten our fill, we joined the families listening to the Back Stage Crew. People of all ages were dancing up a storm to another retro group with a playlist that included ZZ Top. The Railroad Man got back from his trip to Needles. He drives a freight train. He met us at the country club. He alternately asked me and Donna to dance. I think he might be a keeper!

This is the most fun I’ve had In Munds Park. The games have begun!