My Lack of Mechanical Ability Almost Led to an Internet Dating Mistake

I finally bought a barbeque grill. First I have to admit I’m afraid of fire. I’ve only owned gas or charcoal grills when I was married and they were the husbands’ domains. I’ve looked at electric grills over the past few years, but never found one worth buying. They seemed like George Forman grills on steroids.

I was in Scottsdale Fashion Square for a personal training lesson on my laptop. Afterwards I passed by a display of grills next to a kiosk. They were electric but they used wood pellets which caught on fire and cooked the food. I spoke with the salesman. It was a BBQ, smoker, and convection oven. He was a good salesman but I didn’t really understand how the thing worked. He said it was very simple to assemble. I bought it and he loaded it into my car. When I got it home I had trouble getting it out because the box was heavy. He must have been quite strong to heft in there so easily.

I am an intelligent woman but I have no mechanical ability. I called and texted my middle son, the one who is mechanically gifted, but got no reply. I took the grill out of the box and stared at the pieces. I was totally intimidated.

A few nights later I had a date with a guy who didn’t drink alcohol or coffee. I suggested we meet at The Sugar Bowl, an ice cream parlor in downtown Scottsdale. I arrived early but had a hard time finding a parking space. It’s Spring Training and downtown Scottsdale is filled with throngs of people at all times of the day and night.

The hostess seated me and I waited, playing the Scrabble game on my phone. I knew this drill. The Internet date comes in and checks me out. If he doesn’t like what he sees, he immediately exits before I spot him and calls and says he can’t make it. It only happened to me once, but it was an ego crusher. I guess my date liked what he saw because he came to my table.

He was quite good looking. He laid on a lot of flattery. The first thing I noticed was that he was surprised I ordered a regular, not a small, sundae. You are not my diet master, I thought.

He proceeded to tell me random work stories from the past, I’m not sure why. I guess he thought they painted him in a good light, but I didn’t think so. He had worked on a cattle farm somewhere in Arizona and managed to clean up the water supply and get an underling to spit polish the barns. His boss took the credit for it and that pissed him off. He also worked on a dairy farm in Utah and spied on some workers who were ripping off the owner. To me he came off as holier than thou. I also got the drift that he was currently unemployed.

He explained that he cheated on his wife because they hadn’t been intimate for two years. I see adultery as the chicken’s way out of a marriage. Why not have the gumption to talk to your spouse and say things are not right? He divulged some dish about some dates he’d been on through other Internet sites.

When we got to the part of the conversation when he asked what I was looking for in a relationship, I said fun and a companion. He said he wanted someone there when he came home at night.

When I told him about my unassembled BBQ he offered to put it together the next day. He said I should  look at the directions to see what tools he needed to bring. He walked me to my car, on a nearby street. When we got to my car he leaned in and kissed me once and came back for another wet one. I was not going to make out in the middle of crowds in downtown Scottsdale! I was nonplussed and drove away.

As I sat in my kitchen, sipping a soda, I thought about his conversation. He was not someone I wanted to date. He was pompous, unemployed, a cheater, and probably a polayer. I was glad I hadn’t given him my address. I texted him that I thought over our conversation and we weren’t a match because he wanted someone 24/7 and I would that person. I felt enormous relief.

I didn’t need a date to put my BBQ together. I called a handyman and scheduled him for a few days hence. Luckily my son, who lives on the other side of the valley, called me back, came over, and put the BB together in a half an hour. I cancelled the handyman.



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